Precious Pup

Please allow me to introduce the newest member of our household: Sarita Marie!

Sarita is a four year old Yorkshire Terrier and has retired from birthing puppies.  Miss Scarlett has asked for a dog for awhile.  We think she is ready.  And even if she is not, her Mama is! (I've just wanted a dog forever).

She is currently being "fixed", so we won't get to pick her up until October 8th.  Thank you, Susan of Mystic Mountain Kennels for this absolutely precious dog!

We are looking forward to many years with this little girl!

My "Explosive Child"

Our daughter Scarlett is a very smart, kind and loving girl.  She rarely causes trouble and is an all-around wonderful kid.  Like everyone else, she sometimes gets frustrated.  However, that is where things get a little different.

Sometimes she becomes so frustrated that she quite literally loses all capacity to think clearly.  She will scream, kick, hit and, for lack of a better term, lose her mind.  She will continue on in this manner for up to an hour before she comes to her senses again.  These episodes seem to occur when she is particularly tired or hungry, but not always.  Thankfully, she seems to only have this trouble when we are at home.  We were not sure if she was having this trouble as an "anxious attachment" problem, discipline problem or something else.

While desperately searching for something to make sense of this behavior, I recently ran across a book written by Ross W. Greene called, "Explosive Child".  In this book, Greene explains how children are sometimes deficient in the areas of frustration tolerance and flexibility.  In other words, these children are unable to handle and verbalize their frustrations in a manner which is both constructive and acceptable. 

By teaching caretakers and children how to use Collaborative Problem Solving (sometimes referred to as CPS), these "explosions" may be diminished, shortened, and many times stopped altogether.

My own parents just told me what they expected of me, and I did it. But here is what happens with an "explosive" child -

Child:  "I don't want to go to school!"

Parent:  "Well, you 're going. Get in the car." 

Child:  KABOOM! 

Laying down the law is not necessarily a bad thing, but then, most kids don't have trouble with frustration tolerance and flexibility.  As a child, even I became frustrated at times and stomped off to my room, but never to the extent of hitting, screaming, etc.  Other parents take the laid back approach of giving in whenever the child demands something.

Child: "I don't want to go to school!"

Parent:  "So don't go. No biggie."

Again, not always bad - depending on the circumstances. 

The CPS model starts with empathy and parroting back the child's concern. Then you put two concerns out for discussion - the child's and yours.  Finally, you ask for solutions from the child and hopefully come up with one that is mutually agreeable.  If not, then you go back to square one.

For example,

Child:  "I don't want to go to school!"

Parent: "You don't want to got to school?  You usually love going to school.  What's up?"

Child: "It's boring."

Parent: "It's boring?  What about it is boring?"

Child:  "I'm tired and don't want to go!  I'm just tired!"

Parent:  "You're tired.  I see.  I don't want you to feel tired.  Is it safe to say you don't want to be tired?"

Child:  "Uh huh."

Parent: "Well, how can we solve this problem?  You don't want to feel tired, and neither do I.  What do you suggest?"

Child:  "Sleep later!"

Parent: "Well, that is one idea.  However, sleeping late would make you tardy to school.  That would make the school and your parents unhappy.  Can you think of another solution?"

Child:  "Maybe go to bed earlier?"

Parent: "That sounds like a good idea.  Shall we give that a try?"

Child:  "OK."

These are oversimplified examples, but you get the idea. 

We have started working on this with Scarlett just recently.  It is too early to see if this will work in the big scheme of things, but already I think that I can see a difference in being able to head off explosions.  There is hope.  And that is enough for right now.

September already - I can't believe it!

I simply cannot wrap my head around the thought that it is already September!  Football season is upon us (Go Vols!) and the kids are all back in school.  Before you know it, we will be barrelling into October!

September has always been my favorite month. I love all the "back to school" sales, the excitement of football season starting, and the anticipation of cooler weather. 

Some of the things that I hope to do during this month include...

• visiting my sister-in-law and her family over Labor Day weekend and checking out their new kitten.
• buying a Nook!  I am an avid book reader and being able to put a TON of books on one device is exciting to me.
• getting Jackson's speech therapy started.
• getting matching shirts for the office to wear on "casual Fridays".
• changing out closets from summer to fall wardrobe.
• preparing for a yard sale - need to get rid of a lot of things.
• decorating our front porch for the fall season.
• getting my house "fall cleaned" for the upcoming Holidays.

Yes.  You read it correctly.  I said it.  Holidays! Holidays, holidays, holidays! 

I bought a Cinnamon Apple scented candle today.  Lit it at my desk, and it has infused our office with the fresh, autumn scent of apples.  Mmmmm!

I am starting to think about getting my Christmas Notebook updated and ready.  I have my receipes, gift ideas, gift list, Christmas card list, decorating ideas, etc. all in this three ring binder.  My friend Debbie got me started by showing hers to me a few years back, and I have been a devoted fan ever since.

I just love September!

Busy month...but all went well

August has been one very busy month for our family.  A lot has happened (some planned, some unplanned), but everything worked out exactly as God planned it -  all for the best.

 Here we go....

• My sweet husband celebrated another birthday, along with our nephew's adorable girlfriend Caroline. Had a wonderful party at my sister-in-law's house.
• Met with Early Intervention teacher for Jackson.
• Scarlett started First Grade.  She loves her teacher and was quite relieved that she was able to remain in that class, as five students were moved to a new classroom due to overcrowding.
• Jackson's cleft palate repair went extremely well, and he continues to heal.  Thank God for skilled doctors and nurses!
• Even though I was completely out of leave time, my wonderful boss allowed me to take a week off to stay home with our son after surgery.
• We refinanced our house from a 30 year to a 15 year fixed and got an even lower rate that we first thought thanks to a loan officer who was continually looking out for us.
• We were able to put a new roof on our house, rewire our electrical box, and cut down five trees.
• Family, friends and neighbors all pitched in to help out with meals, shuttle service and general support during Jackson's hospital stay and convalescence.
• Scarlett brought home her very first homework paper - she had completed it while in after-school care, and did it perfectly!
• Jackson discovered the joy of choo-choo trains.

August is not quite finished yet, but it has been a good, albeit busy, month.  Here is hoping that September is not quite so hectic, but just as good!

Surgery for Jackson

From the day the China Center for Adoption Affairs first made aware of our son Jackson's existence, we knew that a few surgeries would be in his future.  That did not deter us - he was our son, and we loved him.  Jackson was born with a severe cleft lip and palate.  Jackson's lip was successfully repaired in China before he came home to us, but his palate was not.  The cleft palate keeps Jackson from being able to drink from a straw or talk where people can understand him.

So his first cleft palate surgery is scheduled for tomorrow morning.  We are holding near to our heart Phillippians 4:6  "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God." We are praying for Jackson's physicians' hands to be guided by God, for the surgery to be a complete success, for Jackson's pain to be minimal, and for a speedy recovery.  Not too much, eh? 

If you would be so kind, please pray the same for our sweet boy Jackson.  Thank you, and God Bless!

Supper with Helen and Steve

The other evening, our family had the privilege of dining at the home of two of our friends, Helen and her husband Steve.  Helen and Steve are newlyweds that have just recently been reunited after a few months of waiting for Steve's student visa to be issued.  They met in Beijing as students.  We met Helen when we were looking for a native Chinese speaker to teach our daughter Chinese.  We've been friends ever since.
Anyway, Helen and Steve wanted to treat our family to an authentic Chinese family-style supper.  We had no idea what to expect, only that we were excited to see what they would serve us.  We just knew that it would be wonderful - and we were NOT disappointed!
Steve had been working in the kitchen washing fruits and vegetables, slicing, dicing and cooking since 2:00 p.m.  When Helen came home from University at 4:00 p.m., she joined him in the kitchen.  The results of their combined efforts were tasty indeed.  We had the staple Chinese sides of noodles (long and moderately wide like fettuccine) and steamed rice.  A savory sauce made from olive oil, sesame see oil, teriyaki sauce and scallions added some flavor to the rice and noodles. 
Steve made a tofu dish using "a pepper jam" as Steve called it.  The remnants left in the jar it came from looked less like a jam and more like a thick sauce. Anyway, it gave a creamy tomato soup like consistency.  It did not taste tomato-y - just looked like it.  The tofu was soft and creamy. 
The second main dish was pepper beef.  Quarter-inch thin slices of beef and hot peppers made up this spicy entree.  You did not notice the hotness until after you swallowed.  It was delicious.  They also made a chicken and potato dish.  It was exactly that - chicken with potatoes.  'Nuff said.  The final dish was a beef, broccoli and carrot dish.  It had a savory brown sauce with it that added a lot of flavor.  I only wish I had thought to take my camera to show you how wonderful these dishes looked!
We had a terrific evening discussing their upcoming move to Boston where Helen would be working on her Divinity Degree; how they felt babies in China were not as happy as babies in the States(babies in China cry all the time); and who has the best muffins.  Yes, muffins.  And the answer is Sam's Club.  The muffins there are huge.
We are saddened that Helen and Steve are leaving our area, but we wish them all the best of luck in Boston, and pray that God's hand protects them.  Godspeed, Helen and Steve!  Thank you for a wonderful evening.

How to relax - if you can

I generally find it difficult to make myself just relax and enjoy the quiet.  I mean, I am one of those people who is not happy unless I am doing something.  Put it down to the old saying that idle hands are the devil's plaything.  This weekend, I found myself forced to be still and relax.   Having surgery kind of makes you do that.

Friday morning, I had what I like to call "a minor major" surgery.  Major in the fact that I was put to sleep and my belly was cut, but minor in the fact that it was laproscopic and didn't really hurt at all.  But anyway, I was told to get plenty of rest, eat light meals, and generally just veg.  I am not a good vegger.

Friday afternoon, I was standing in my Mom's kitchen, leaning against the kitchen counter having an in-depth discussion with my stepfather's home health nurse about surgeries.  We compared surgery scars, recovery times, and the like.  After awhile, Mom and the nurse were telling me to go lie down somewhere. I shouldn't be up wandering around.  So, like a dutiful patient, I flopped on the little bed that Mom had set up in her front room to read.  

By the way, I do not suggest that right after having a minor major surgery your read "Mennonite in a Little Black Dress".  I can tell you from painful experience that it hurts to laugh, and giggles just don't cut it for this book.  What was my friend Debbie thinking?  Maybe she thought laughter really was the best medicine.

Anyway, I read awhile and slept awhile.  Read some more, then got up to see if there was anything good to eat.  I was told in no uncertain terms that I should have a bland diet (i.e. potato soup) and not eat anything too exciting.  After eating, I slept some more.  (By now I bet you are wishing that you had moved on to the next blog - go ahead - I don't blame you.  Relaxing is pretty boring sometimes)

Saturday was more of the same.  The only difference was hearing the somewhat desperate tone to my husband's voice when I asked how things were going at home with the two small fry:  "Good. Great.  How are you feeling?" he asked, somewhat like a person who was trying to ascertain if the parole board had voted in favor of early release.

Sunday dawned hot and clear.  I was feeling the benefits of a lot of sleep, a lot of reading and a lot of potato soup.  I decided to take a walk down Mom's long driveway through the woods to the little street that runs by her house.  Mom has done a lot of work over the years fine-tuning her home into something I like to call Modern Forties Vintage Only Better.  I stepped down the front porch to see an old blue car putter by.  For a moment I thought I was in some time warp.  I shook my head and proceeded down the drive, swatting at the mosquitoes all the way. 

I had just reached the end of the drive when I spied a tiny spotted fawn nibbling the neighbor's front shrubs.  Its mama was nowhere to be seen.  It delicately munched its way across the front beds and stopped at the edge of the neighbor's driveway, looking back over its shoulder.  That is when I saw mama step from the woods.  She ambled toward her baby, not stopping until the "poot poot" of a bright yellow Studebaker (convertible!) motored past.  She and I looked at each other in disbelief, as if simultaneously saying, "A Studebaker out here?  Seriously?"  Then she was gone.

This is kind of what Mama Deer and I saw, only envision the top to be white and down.
Once Hubby and the children arrived, the relaxation was over.  Pandemonium reigned and things were back to normal.  I was ready for it, thanks to the tender care of my Mom and lots of rest and relaxation.  Which is a good thing, because my house is a wreck after a weekend of mayhem without mama!